How to Deal With Grief: My Journey of Losing My Mum

How to Deal With Grief: My Journey of Losing My Mum

If someone were to ask me how to deal with grief, I’d say this: time heals, but there isn’t a “right” way to react, respond, or cope. Grief is a long journey, and sometimes, it feels never-ending.

I lost my mum in 2006 when she was only 40 years old. I was just 12 then, and my entire world had shattered. Even now, at 32, I feel like a part of me died with her. The best way to describe this feeling is captured in the quote: “Now I have to remember you for longer than I have known you,” by C.C. Aurel.

When you lose a parent so young, you’re forced to grow up quickly. At the time, I didn’t fully grasp how much it would impact me or my siblings. But as I’ve grown older, I’ve truly understood what I lost that night: her unconditional love, guidance, and everything she was to me. There’s no love like a mother’s love, and living the years without her has been a whirlwind journey filled with ups and downs.

Some days, I can accept her absence. Other days, I forget she’s not here, and the sadness washes over me as if I’m reliving her death all over again. That void—the emptiness of knowing we can no longer speak to or hold the people we’ve lost—is indescribable.

Coping With Grief

People often give advice about how to handle grief, but the truth is, there’s no one-size-fits-all solution. For me, it’s about taking things one day at a time and allowing myself to feel whatever emotions arise. I’ve found comfort in what I call my “gentle days.” On those days, I let myself cry, talk to her out loud, or sit in complete silence. It might sound unusual, but it’s something my therapist encouraged me to do, and it helps me feel closer to her.

Praying has also been a source of strength. In those quiet moments, I feel like I can open my heart to God without any limits. I’ve also found joy in doing things my mum loved, like baking, taking care of my home, or going window shopping. Recreating those moments makes me feel as though she’s still with me.

Grief doesn’t follow a set timeline. It’s okay to feel sadness, anger, guilt, or even relief—and sometimes, all of those emotions at once. They’re normal and valid.

Honouring Your Mother’s Memory

Keeping your loved one’s memory alive is one way to cope. For me, it’s writing letters to her, looking at old photos, or carrying on traditions we shared. Cherish the good moments and lessons learned—it truly helps with the grieving process.

But don’t forget to find joy, too. Grief doesn’t erase happiness. I believe my mum would want me to be happy and to live my life fully. Mothers, whether living or past, want their children to thrive. Finding joy is one of the greatest ways we can honour their love and keep them with us.

Seeking Support

You don’t have to go through this alone. Talking to friends, family, or even a therapist can make a world of difference. For me, therapy has been incredibly rewarding. When I was younger, I struggled to express my emotions and found comfort in spending time with friends as a distraction. But as I grew older, I realised that lingering pain needed to be addressed.

Finding the right therapist through BetterHelp helped me process my grief in ways I never thought possible. It gave me tools to cope and a safe space to share my insecurities, highs, and lows without judgment. I highly recommend seeking professional support—it can empower you to find purpose through your pain.

Taking Care of Yourself

In the early days of grief, it’s easy to neglect your physical and mental health. Be gentle with yourself. Rest, eat, and move your body when you can. Journaling, meditating, and simply allowing yourself to be are all valid ways to heal.

It’s also important to acknowledge those moments when your grief feels especially heavy—like anniversaries, holidays, and birthdays. On my mum’s birthday and the anniversary of her passing, I take the day off and do things she would have loved, like browsing home décor at Harrods or watching her favourite shows with tea and biscuits. One year, I released a balloon in her honour at Prussia Cove in Cornwall. Being surrounded by nature made me feel so close to her.

Finding Purpose Through Pain

To anyone reading this who has lost their mother, I hope you eventually find peace. I pray that you’re able to turn your pain into purpose and find the joy your mother would have wanted for you. For me, that purpose has come through creativity, the wisdom my mum instilled in me, and cherish the memories we shared.

Although grief is a lifelong journey, it’s also a reminder to treasure the moments we have and the people we love.

“My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.” – Psalm 73:26

If you’re grieving, know that you’re not alone. Share this with someone who may need it.